Send me a sign…. Tell me that this will happen to me too. That the “average” girl I am will get my chance to be happy too.
This is it. My dorm is all packed up. I’m ready to go home. College has had it’s ups and downs with me..I’ve had the most memories, the greatest amount of time to grow up here. I’ve met people who will be at my wedding here. Standing beside me supporting me in all that I do.I realized who my true friends were here. I’m leaving college, with two of the most amazing people I met along the way who I didn’t know prior to college. Who will be in my life for as long as they’d let me.
I know this isn’t the end. And I know I’m going to see them again. However, we’ve reached the times in our lives to where…Adults is who we really are becoming. We all are going our separate ways. I pray to God, that he will allow these people to be there always. Knowing I’m not going to see them all the time, or whenever I want, breaks my heart. The memories we shared in college, the late night laughs, singing, crying, and just talks…will forever be cherished with me.
A lot has been happening in my life lately, hence the frequent writing of my depressing life. But I just want to look back on this one day and smile because for one, the people I call my best friends now on May 11th, 2012 is going to be my best friends 10, 20 years from now. And secondly, it got better. What got better? My life. And I made it through another struggle. I wish to not be ridiculously rich, but to be happy. Because I deserve it. I’ve worked too hard to just not give myself that much. I hope one day, I’ll smile because this was all worth it.
This is a new chapter in my life starting tomorrow. I don’t know where I’m going, where I’m going to end up, or what I’ll do. But God has a plan for me. He has a goal that things are going to happen for a reason, and he’ll show me that the struggle he put me through was because he knew I could do it. From here on out, I’m putting my life in God’s hands. Appreciating everything 10x more than I did before. But taking whatever he gives me and just run with it.
God has a plan for me. I have to just trust him knowing he’s doing this for a reason. I just wish I would get a sign soon.
My first thing I want to do tomorrow when I get home before work, is go visit my brother at his grave…I miss him. A lot. And I feel like the only person who could ever keep me calm just by listening is him. I need him more than ever right now. I just want to sit with him for a little while, and just tell him everything that has been happening all over again in front of his grave.
My life is at the lowest of my lows…..But I’m currently just looking for the right ladder to start climbing back up again. Soon…Inshallah soon.